Quo Vadimus

Saturday, March 11, 2006


Quo Vadimus.

Dana: Is your name--?

Mysterious Stranger: Stop talking.

Dana: All right. I just need your water. (grabs the glass in front of him and downs it in one gulp)

Mysterious Stranger: That was a gin martini.

Dana: Yes. I know that now. Is your name Calvin Trager?

Mysterious Stranger (Trager): Yes.

Dana: There was something that was big, and you invented something that made it small.

Trager: Yes.

Dana: You own Quo Vadimus.

Trager: Yes.

Dana: You bought Continental Corp?

Trager: Turns out I picked up a few more shares of stock, yeah.

Dana: Why didn't you tell me?

Trager: I just wrote a check for 18 billion dollars, Dana. My scouting says you don't keep a secret so good.

Dana: I can change.

Trager: Yeah... well, we're going to work on that.

Dana: We're going to work on it?

Trager: Yeah.

Dana: You're keeping the station?

Trager: Yeah.

Dana: (looking faint, hopeful) You're keeping the show?

Trager: Yeah. It's a good show, Dana. Anybody who can't make money off Sports Night should get out of the money-making business.

Dana: (pause, breathless) I don't know what to say.

Trager: (looking at TV over bar) Your show is on.

Dana: (pause) That's right! (laughing tearfully) My show is on. My show is on! My show is on! (runs out) My show is *on*!

(Back in the studio, Dan and Casey are doing the show. The mood is still depressed.)

Casey: (on air) With the 0-2 pitch from Fin McAllister, and smoke! Take a seat, sir, you've been brought down by the fast ball. McAllister's fifth save of the season, coming at the expense of a .383 hitter. We're gonna take a break. You're watching Sports Night on CSC-we'll be right back.

Dave: We're out.

Chris: Sixty seconds back.

(Everyone sits in glum silence)

Jeremy: Hey, let's here some chatter in here. We're still doing a show tonight.

Elliot: Jeremy's right. (pause) So how are you, Jeremy?

Jeremy: (pause) Okay, let's not do the chatter.

Chris: Sound 2 standing.

Will: Denver's up.

Dave: You've got Katie.

Kim: 30 seconds live.

Dave: (as Dana dashes back in) Stand by 1, 4, 4.

Chris: Standing.

Natalie: Dana?

Dana: I'm back.

Natalie: What's going on?

Dana: I need a headset.

Natalie: Dana!

Dana: (into headset) Dan, Casey....

(In the studio, Dan and Casey listen to Dana. Unbelieving, relieved grins break across their faces just as they're going back on the air)

Dave: In three, two...

Dan: (on air) Well, looks like we're stuck with each other for a little while. Let's go to the American League.

Casey: (on air, still a little dazed) Yes, we are. (pause, then laughs) Going to the American League.

Chris: (as everyone, now happy, gets back into the swing of things) Stand by sound 20.

Will: FX-5, 6 and 6a.

Dave: 6a standing.

Tech Woman: Let me see the chyron on four.

Jeremy: I got tape working on Oakland.

Natalie: Hold it for the 50s and keep it tight.

Jeremy: How tight?

Natalie: Twenty second clips over the shoulder.

Kim: And I need to preview Denver.

Elliot: Coming up.

Dana: All right. Here we go. (Isaac lays a hand on her shoulder, and she kisses it)

Casey: (on air) ... as they welcome the Tigers into the House that Ruth Built this evening.

Dan: (on air) Excuse me, Casey, but Ruth didn't build the house this evening, did he?

Casey: (on air) No, Dan, and thank you for correcting my every mistake, no matter how small, oh, these many years.

Dan: (on air) What are friends for?

Casey: (on air) Annoying the hell outta you?

Dan: (on air) Exactly! Elsewhere in the AL East, the Bluejays lead the Orioles in a rare day game, first baseman....


posted by Linus | 6:39 PM