Quo Vadimus

Wednesday, August 13, 2003   Cheez Whiz. QV Newswire -- Sen. John Kerry made a bold alliance today with former President Bill Clinton, seeking crucial eating tips for the campaign trail. After a disasterous incident at Pat's Steaks in Philadelphia, Kerry called for help. "Man, they nailed me in Philly. Nibbling daintily. I don't know what I was thinking," the disgraced Senator told Clinton on Wednesday. "I'll definitely need that 'Que seminar before heading to North Carolina." Clinton's aggressive eating habits were widely publicized during the 1992 campaign, most notably in a Saturday Night Live sketch in which the late Phil Hartman tore through a McDonald's, devouring an array of items from customers' trays while simultaneously spouting key policy points. "This is the kind of multi-tasking I'm after," said Kerry. "Regrettable as it may be, this election will turn on these kinds of issues. If I need to be a messier eater, I will work on it. Cheese selection will also be very important." Kerry said he was looking forward to redeeming himself on a trip to Chicago. "I've never been a big a fan of deep-dish pizza, but I just don't think I really gave it a fair chance," Kerry told reporters. Some campaign aides say Kerry's progress has been swift. "I saw him eat several Krispy Kreme donuts for breakfast this morning," said Carl Showalter. Showalter also noted that Kerry shook several hands of registered voters without wiping the donut detritus from his fingers. ---------- posted by Linus | 6:20 PM		blog-o-rama Recidivism. Leoville. Clap Clap. Antidisingenuous. Me again. film Avary. Baaab. Boo Seh Mee. Charlie. Cheshire Christley. Crazy Look-em-ups. Cri. D'Angelo. Denby/Lane. Drew. Dupont. Ebert. Elvis. Erickson. Frazer. Gallo. Greencine Daily. Harry. Heilman. Henderson. Hoberman, et al. Jerk. Kelly. Kim. LAKS. MCN. Meta. Milk Plus. The Movie Blog. NYT. Overbeck. Paddock. Panayides. Private Joker. PTA. Release (DVD). 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