Quo Vadimus

Tuesday, October 07, 2003


Bacon: my thing.

I briefly reviewed these things back in June and they finally showed up on McSweeney's "Reviews of New Food" (today's update also includes Deep Fried Twinkie on a Stick):

McDonald's McGriddle (with "sausage")

Submitted by Brian Telpner

Oh how I wanted to hate this smug little breakfast sandwich.

Cobbled together from assorted bits of traditional breakfast fare—egg, cheese, and sausage (or bacon, if that's your thing), stacked between two syrup-infused pancake patties serving as the bun—I was prepared to renounce the McGriddle's dangerously totalitarian leanings, because I for one cherish the freedom to drench my pancakes in as much syrup as my heart desires and my pancreas can handle. Worse, the engineered-pancake gimmick was nothing more than a prefabricated gastronomic abomination, a culinary Frankenstein's monster that would wreak gassy and insufficiently-syruped havoc as it lurched angrily through the digestive system to a speedy and unpleasant end.

Boy was I wrong. The McGriddle is delicate in its greasiness, powerful in its sickly sweetness, and above all, profound in its yumminess. Leaving in its wake an aromatic protective film that lingers for many hours and survives multiple mouthwash garglings, it imparts a calmative effect upon the system that will smooth the rough edges off the heartiest of hangovers. Add hash browns and OJ, and you've loaded up on enough carbs and saturated fat and other dietary nastiness to induce a food stupor strong enough to floor a rhino. Such potency demands our respect. Mrs. Butterworth, I fear thy days are numbered.

posted by Linus | 8:07 AM